Posted on 6 April 2010 by Will O' in Music
First. Make out a will if you have not done so already.
Second. Insure there will be no interruptions. If you think your dog will want to play while you are listening, lock the animal in the garage. To save the tenuous grip on reality of your wife and children, make sure they are not present.
Third. You must be seated well before the music begins. Nothing must distract your listening to these first notes. Use a remote to begin the music once you are settled and ready.
Fourth. The music must be played as loud as you can bear. Do not consider the neighbours. It only lasts a half hour or so, so fuck ‘em. Remember, play it loud!
Fifth. It is best to listen in total darkness. Otherwise, look out upon a bleak landscape. If the sun is shining and turning everything hideously merry, shut the curtains, pull the blinds, put on a blindfold.
Sixth. Again, do not be distracted. LISTEN and keep your mind from wandering.
Seventh. After the last few notes have provided you with a springboard into a void emptier than any void you have yet contemplated, release the dog and go for a long walk to relieve the desire to commit suicide.
Eighth. Return refreshed and, with the dog snoozing from exertion, listen a second time and know that you are experiencing an aural map of human existence.