Posted on 29 October 2008 by Will O' in Politics
Last night’s Daily Show (4:10 in) featured a montage of Sarah Palin’s recent rallies, in which she refers to the friends of Joe the Plumber.
Speaking to supporters as if they were five-year-olds, Sarah the Paleo sounded like the twee host of a kiddie show. And the supporters cheered as if they were delighted toddlers. Here is a list of the real Umeruhcans she wanted them to know were on their side, just like Joe is:
Ed the Dairyman
Doug the Barber
Tito the Builder
Christine the Florist
Phil the Bricklayer
Cindy the Citizen
Rose the Teacher
Clark the Cook
Corinna the Nurse
Joe the Farmer
Dave the Cop
Vicky the Realtor
Jeffrey the Hockey Player
Jack the Hunter
And last but not least: Joe the Plumber’s son!
Wow! What a list of Great Umeruhcans to infuse the kids home sick from school with Patriotic Pride. And while they’re watching they can take lessons from Dad the Neo-Nazi on how to clean the weapons he keeps in the rack of his pickup truck.
My personal favourite is Cindy the Citizen. But hey, that’s not a job, is it? Wrong! In McCain-Palin World, being a citizen who votes for medieval values is the toughest job of all. Hardly a minute to relax with a six pack followed by a hearty wife beating and a little incest before opening the Bible.
Best of all, there weren’t any commie socialist types to gnarl and twist their little minds. Anti-Americans like these nasties:
Mircea the Intellectual
Belinda the novelist
Martti the Nobel Peace Prize winner
Marvin the Comedian
Steve the Composer
Harmony the Feminist
Ernest the Scientist
To top things off, Jon Stewart showed a clip of John McCain berating Obama at a rally: “He wants ta spread the wealth around!” said McCain, sounding as usual like a menacing version of Grandpa Simpson. To this heinous idea the audience booed with wild abandon. No socialist assurances that they could lead decent, functional lives for them. No sirree, they want McCain to lead them into four more years of the same old faecal nuggets of trickle-down booty promised for the last eight years. “I expect to find a flake o’ gold in one o’ them little turds any day now,” said Harlan the Small Town Repuglycan.
“Enough!” says Gaggy the Maggot.
